Altered Prose at Pif’s Corner

Well, today marks the end of the 40th week for Beth’s pregnancy . I’m officially starting to get nervous. I was surprised at myself last night when I recognized the fluttering feeling in my stomach; I realized that I’m scared about not only the future but by the actual event of the birth.

Will I be able to do everything I need to do in the best way possible? I don’t want to be a hindrance on the process; I want to be an asset. I know that all the effort will be on Beth, and that she will do exactly what she needs. But how will I help? I know what I’m supposed to do, but will I get so caught up in all the activity and bluster that I forget? I know that when I’m thrust into an uncontrollable situation, my mind shuts itself down…I cannot process anything other than the current second of activity. Sometimes that works ok (like when playing basketball or soccer and I’m really just reacting to everything going on at that moment), but in a birth…? I’ve got to be better performing than that because I haven’t got any past experience to fall back upon and let myself react.

Will I get so caught up in trying to make Beth comfortable that when she first lashes out in pain (and I know she will…I mean eight pounds through ten centimeters!) will I feel hurt and suddenly stop enjoying myself? Will I shell up and then be of no use to her? I know that I should just brush off anything she may say or do, and that she’s not rationally thinking when she lashes out (rather she’s reacting to what’s going on with her body and the pain she’s feeling)…but when I’m actually in that situation what will I do?

I want to do everything right. For her and for the baby…and even a bit for our families (I want them to remember the role I play fondly and not with embarrassment or bemusement).

So there’s my nervousness…not so much about concern for the health of Beth or the baby, but over the event. And maybe this will be my big mistake – I’ll get so caught up in my own actions that something unexpected will happen. I won’t pretend to have a special sense and that I somehow ‘know’ that everything will be ok, but I’m really feeling like we know the risks and somehow it just seems like things will go all right for Beth. We already had the bad news with that first miscarriage, and it seems like this pregnancy has been nearly textbook.

So, for the sake of posterity – and so that I can review these thoughts after the birth – I’m going to write down my assumptions of what I think will occur at the birth. I think the future me will re-read these notes and think ‘what a fool – that’s not even close to reality!’.

Beth will get the wide-spread contractions over the course of a day…eventually these will increase in frequency to the point that she’s concerned enough to call the doctor (I don’t think we’ll wait for exactly “five minutes apart”) but once we’re under seven we’re calling). We’ll go to the hospital and they’ll put Beth in the observation room. A few hours later (since we probably jumped the gun), they’ll want to admit Beth. At that point I’ll start calling folk. I’ll also keep asking Beth “how are you feeling? Are you ok? Can I get you anything?” so often that she tells me to shut up. The nurse will go over the details of what we should expect and will probably prompt me from time to time to do certain things – like get some ice chips for Beth. Beth will try walking a bit, but probably find that she’s more comfortable in a crouched, rocking position. And then things will pick up…the doctor will really take charge at that point and Beth will follow as well as she can…I’ll do my best to keep Beth focused on controlling her body until the point where she needs to push. This is where I really don’t know how quickly things will go…I think this could go on for an hour…but I just don’t know. But the kid will be born…and at that moment I won’t change as a person but I will look at everything differently.

So no kid today. My guess is that Beth will probably go at least another few days. I really think the March 9th due date will turn out to be within a day or two of accuracy. Beth of course thinks I should keep my opinions to myself, and since I’m so smart I should carry the kid around my belly for a bit.

Tonight we bought a new digital camera – a Sony Cybershot (DSC-W70). We had a FujuFilm FinePix, but it was old and actually was having trouble with the batteries, so we opted to buy a new camera. I’ve just started reading the manual, and the battery is still charging, but so far I think the camera will do great. It’s slimmer than what we had, which I’m thinking will be good for when we go to the hospital. I’m very impressed with the on-screen UI too…all the options are explained as you go; I’d suspect you could use this camera easily without even reading more than the “read me first” pamphlet. And so far from what I’m reading, it has a lot of options to taking control of the shot and using your own settings.

This web site is also coming along. I hope to start laying out a consistent design for all the sections, though. Out of the box Community Server doesn’t really do a good job at maintaining a singular navigation UI. But as I use this at work, I’m thinking I can whip up something over the next day or so. I definitely want to bring the ‘latest blogs’ to the homepage…I may even try to rig up an external rss reader on the homepage as well…not sure if I can leverage any of the ‘My Reader’ app code, but at the very least I’ve got a simple rss aggregator I’ve used at work.

I hope to upload some more photos too. That’s it for now.

<Mike>

Wow. Well, we’ve got one official week left until I find out whether or not the baby is really mine. … Right, that joke will definitely get me into trouble…

So about an hour and a half ago my co-workers through me a baby shower bash. Masculinity issues aside, I found it to be very impressive. There was a very nice homemade cake from Chris’s mom.in.law. A lot of people from not only my department by a couple others also showed up. I was very happy and grateful to see these people; Avid is by far the best place I’ve ever worked at.

OK, it’s also the only place I’ve ever worked.

Tony got a very nice Winnie the Pooh mobile … we ought to get some good coding out of him over the next few days. Now, the baby got some crib sheets, a bouncy seat and a very soft blanket. Beth and I got a gift certificate to Babies ‘R Wee In case any of my co-workers see this, thank you again!

So that’s a quick update. I figure there will be more information soon to come…